A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies
| Dirty Night Before Christmas (4)
Posted to alt.psst.hoy by Congenital Kano (firstname.lastname@example.org) on 2001-12-24.
Twas the night before Christmas (Christmas Day in PI,
where my male relos already are drunker than I).
Bob Chin was out shopping; he just couldn't sleep.
What DO you get an inflatable sheep?
JT was snoring, his face in a grin;
dreaming next Christmas Bill Gates worked for HIM!
Vina was in her chic Paree digs,
wondering why all men are such pigs.
Hudsy was nestled all snug in Mom's bed,
vain visions of puberty danced inhis head.
The Cap'n and Rosie were all snuggled warm,
ready to play "Any port in the storm".
LeeBat sat reading his own Dickens tale,
where Scrooge has the Spirits all sent to jail.
Clueless was lying, his head in a whirl,
about what he's done with that "St. Pauli" girl.
Penny told Santa that he had no class,
for pinching her "fine Filipina ass".
Dom pondered quoteables in the bathroom tonight,
the "Victoria's Secret" catalog prividing the cites.
Chris slept in his jammies, a grammar near by
-- Dear Santa, please bring a life for this guy!
PP2's absence has left us bereft;
has anyone checked with the Abu Sayeff?
Into the night labored Doc NGO,
trying to keep all of us in the know.
And Timmy? Our resident liberal talker?
I heard that his name is now "Johnny Walker".
Maria in her flannel, and I in my briefs,
had settled in bed with twin sighs of relief.
She'd already dampened my holiday cheer
-- "Not tonight you horn dog, all the family is near!"
The noise on the lawn had me up in a rage,
I ran to the window, tossed up my 12 gauge.
When what did my sleep-heavy eyes dimmly see,
but a Jeepney and a really drunk DSP.
I'd pulled in my head and was turning around
when he kicked in the door, came in with his hound.
I flew down the stairs, fell on a San Mig empty,
to see the dog take a dump in the chimney.
Ol' Chip was erect (er, he stood up real straight),
and started to load lumpia onto his plate.
"More ribs!" he yelled, "More pata and brew!
More diniguan, and chicharon, too!"
I stood there aghast as he ate and he drank,
everything in the house, then belched (really rank!).
Then pulling a booger out of his nose,
he flicked it at me and said, "Gotta drain my hose."
I pointed him to the head with chagrin;
when he came out he warned, "Better not go in!!"
Then he burped again, really loud this time,
and staggered outside the scene of his crime.
And I heard him growl out as he weaved out of sight,
"Not bad for a white boy, f*ck you, and good night!"
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