A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies


  Guns Night Before Christmas

Posted to alt.fan.karl-malden.nose,alt.butt.harp,alt.bite-me,alt.non.sequit by The Greaseman on 1997-12-09.
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all tru da house,
Nuttin' was stirrin',
Not even a fuckin' mouse.

Adrian was....talkin',
Wearin' her cap.
I said, "'ay,
Shut yer yap."

Gotta move,
and I gotta move quick.
'Cause tonight I'm gonna blow away
Ol' Saint Nick.

Last year, I said 'Hey!
Bring a new weight set to try!'
Instead, he left
This polka-dot tie.

So as I sit
By the nativity scene,
I lock and I load
My mini-14.

What's that? Footsteps?
Reindeer, I hear?
I'll soon be pumpin' lead
Into Santa's big rear.

My finger's on the trigger,
I'm ready to go
At da sound o'dat first
Ho-ho-ho-ho.

He's in my chimney!
He starts to slide down!
Lemme reach in
And let off a few rounds!

[POW! POW! POW!]

[AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGH!!!!!!!!]

My gun, it did quiver
With lead, it did chatter.
Across my lawn, reindeer guts
I did splatter.

Kill Dasher, Kill Dancer,
Kill Prancer and Vixen!
My barrel's so hot,
I'm doin' some schvitzin'.

So this Christmastime,
You better fend for yourselves.
I've blown away Santa,
Now it's on to the elves.


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