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A
funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies
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| Johnson Night Before Christmas Posted to http://www.pettyinc.com/xmaspoem.htm by Unknown on unknown. 'Twas the night before Christmas And I was at work Doing car stops and house checks And dealing with jerks There were drunkards and peepers: And husbands and wives Carrying bottles and guns And BIG firickin' knives There were car wrecks and fistfights And shootings and more There were burglars and car thieves And Rachel the (lady of the evening) But what to my wondering Eyes should appear But a car full of ladies And a keg full of beer They giggled and wiggled And shouted and screamed And I said to myself This is just what I've dreamed A car fall of cuties Out looking for fun I could stop and ask 'If they'd wait 'til I'm done On headlights, on bar lights On wig-wags and siren I drove after them quickly Man ... was I flyin' Through red lights and stop signs A yard and a field I tried every trick To get them to yield They finally stopped And surrendered themselves Which is when I discovered They weren't babes, BUT ELVES! They wore make-up and lipstick And each wore a dress But the hair on their legs Made them look quite a mess I asked them politely What their plans were for the night "Cause frankly dear gents You're one hell of a sight!" The big one named Oscar Gave a wink and a smile And stood there and stared At me for a while Then he answered me sharply And pulled out a beer And said, "We are elves But we also are queer." "Only once every year Are we allowed to come out To wiggle and giggle To scream and to shout" "So we came to your town For some action and fun So drop your drawers Your badge and your gun!" I grinned then I laughed Which went to a chuckle That's when they began To tug on my buckle I pushed and I swung Using both of my fists Then I finally got clear And boy! I Was I pissed!! I needed some help So I pushed the red button On the radio I had Provided by Johnson I pushed and I poked With all of my power But I guess it's too far From that god damn tower! So there I was stuck My Johnson and me Facing little queer elves From up in a tree They gave us these radios And swore they were great So the county spent millions And thus sealed our fate. The end of this story You're waiting to see If those queer little elves Got my Johnson and me? Now I talk a bit higher And I walk like a duck And the Johnsons we use They still really suck Remember they're useless If you get in a fight But, Merry Christmas to all And to all a good night! Send This Dirty Xmas Parody To A Friend << Back to DirtyXmas.com |
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