A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies


  XXX Picture Night Before Christmas

Posted to alt.binaries.nospam.teenfem.d by leering@your.sister (Thumper) on 1997-12-06.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even Lab Rat;
Newsreaders were pointed at abnt
In hopes that new scans were there for all to see;

The Wombles were huddled in front of their 'puters,
With visions of pretty girls showing their hooters;
JennyS in her teddy, and I in my shorts,
Had just settled down for some, uh... winter sports,

When out on the Zip drive there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the office I flew like a flash,
Popped open the Zip to see if it was trashed.

But the lovely young girl that appeared on my screen
Gave a lust to my loins such that I'd never seen,
What, out of the corner of my eye did I spy,
But a jovial fellow who seemed pretty spry,

With his bundle of fresh scans, all quite nospamish,
I knew in a moment it could only be Hamish!
As rapid as eagles, more scanners they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Patton! now, Lancelot! now, biGrrl and Ziggy!
On, Rommel! on cityBoy!" (The scene was quite giddy!)
"With Neutrino on board, there won't be any lags!
Now dash away! Hurry! Start scanning those mags!"

As Hamish distributed mags to his pals,
They got down to business, these guys and these gals,
So off to their flatbeds the scanners they flew,
With their arms full of pictures, that includes Hamish too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door
The knocking that signaled that there were still more.
As I rose from my monitor, turning around,
Who should come through the door but Xanlithe, with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of magazines flung on his back,
He looked better stocked than a London newsrack!.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His demeanor quite merry!
His cheeks were all flushed, like he'd just popped a cherry!
His droll sense of humor let all of us know,
He'd be scanning like crazy, before the first snow;

The scanning went forward, not missing a beat,
With the used pictures building up piles by their feet;
Old Thumper just marvelled and patted his belly,
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

Being chubby and plump, a right jolly old bunny,
I was taken aback when Womble looked at me funny;
But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

Xanlithe spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And scanned all his pictures; then turned with a jerk,
After loading the hard drive with the pictures he chose,
He showed us a few, and our peckers all rose;

Hamish sprang to his car, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, speeding off in his 'Vette,
"Happy wanking to all, and to all a good 'net!"


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